It is surprisingly easy… doing this poly thing. When I met E I had nnnnoooo idea what being in a ‘poly triad’ meant. You know how they say somethings look great on paper, but can’t be done in real life… well this is the opposite: it is pretty easy to do and kinda hard to explain or write out.
What I have figured out is that the way we do poly is not like anyone else we have met. There are some people looking for people just to hook up with, there are some people looking for a ‘Unicorn’…? (right animal?) or some one for both partners. Some people have Poly-pals they never talk to. I live with mine! (they share a room with E upstairs and I share one with E downstairs). I also consider L to be one of my best friends.
So, what do we do… we take care of each other. We share the chores and share the food and share the TV and we spend a lot of time together as the three of us, even outside this trip. L and I have had lunch together just us. I wouldn’t have been able to do this if L didn’t like me. I help with the cats they came with … they help with the dogs I came with and E… Well he does it all and enjoys the love from all sides.
L and I maintain pretty friendly boundaries though… like it’s weird for either of us to get too close to the other’s bed… and we don’t share food really… and we have only hugged once … I have seen a huge purple bruise on their ass though (I love bruises… I am just dark enough that mine don’t really show.) We also try to respect the boundaries with E- we try to stay out of the other’s fights and one-on-one times…
It has been really loving and fulfilling to find this relationship structure. I have been monogamous in the past and that was a particularly exciting version of hell I don’t really think too hard about now.
This trip is a good example of how it all works. We have shared the driving and we have shared a hotel room (separate beds), we have shared expenses…
I think that is why it felt important to me to meet L’s family just as much as E’s. I think that this wouldn’t be as easy or as great if L didn’t like me. Part of L liking me is their family liking me. Think about when you date someone, and you get approval from their best friend or sibling or mom… I feel that way about L’s family.
The true key to it all is really E though. He has a particular knack for speaking many love languages. He knows our different senses of humor. He knows who likes what. And beyond any ability I can even understand, he gives both relationships the same energy most people give one. Dude is a relationship tank or something. I D K. He has also done the research, reading about relationship styles and ways of communicating (we know our Zodiacs, our love languages, our Myers Briggs, our Hogwarts House, our Avatar Tribe… you get the idea) and you know what… that shit works! It has helped a lot. E makes it work and helps us make it work. Plus, he is funny and smart and kind and *swoon*.
I will make a post about Christmas day soon- I met E’s DAD (trekkie and future farmer so … a guy I can relate to) and his great step-mother (quiet, but in a chill way.)
E tells me we have to get L medicine tomorrow… we are always getting at least one of us some sort of medicine (our Venmo history is hilarious because of it.)
We are off to Boston – I AM GONNA DUMP SOME TEA IN THE HARBOR- because I am really a tourist and I love that stuff.
P.S. Ask me about the bear suit.