Moving – I don’t know anyone who likes to move. Well, I like some parts of it – picking out a new home, getting to rearrange my stuff in the home after we’re settled, being in a new place – the ENFP in me loves these things. But still, it’s stressful. A lot of decisions needs to be made and you need to save a lot of money because it can be pretty expensive, you have to change your address at the post office and forward all your mail… you know, stressful, adult stuff.
Now, if you live with other people, this can increase the stress as everyone is going to have different wants, needs, likes/dislikes, and opinions about this or that. All that being said, you’d think it would be extremely stressful to move with three adults in two relationships.
But it’s actually been surprisingly easy so far for L, D, and I.
Let me back up.
D, L, and I are moving about an hour away to Indianapolis so that I can be closer to my job/program, which is pretty demanding. This works out because D really loves to drive, so even though he’ll still be working where we live now (~1 hr away), he will enjoy it more. L is almost done their PhD and doesn’t really need to go into work physically everyday anymore. I am very grateful they are willing to make this change to help me (I’ve been losing a lot of sleep the past year commuting and it kinda makes me crazy, lol). Anyway, I digress.
Today we went out house hunting. We had picked out houses together online through this one company and set up appointments to see them. D did all the driving, I took notes and helped navigate, and L brought their opinions and practicality into the picking. By the end of the day, we’d seen 5 places and picked out our favorite 2 without any real disagreement!
This is our first time ever picking a place together. I suppose we have quite a few advantages when it comes to picking out a house and planning to move. First of all, we all have pretty similar taste. We like open layouts, cozy houses with space that can be used practically and feels spacious but isn’t overwhelming. I tend to be the odd one out in that I can be a bit frivolous and go for things for more aesthetic purposes (hence the photo attached to this blog post – the yellow doors!!!! We unfortunately won’t be living in the yellow door house though ☹). We also have experienced moves together – D moved twice while knowing L and I, once being when he moved in with us – and L and I moved once while knowing D. Still, this is the first time we’ve all moved together to a new place we all chose. It’s pretty exciting!
This experience has, however, made me think about some challenges in poly-living and finding poly friendly houses. For one, there’s the issue of who gets the master bedroom – not many (affordable) houses come with two. D and L have their own bed spaces and I hop/live between them, so I tend to leave this up to them and try to give little input, since ultimately, I’ll have access to either one. They are very respectful and equitable about it overall as they are with most things together. Still, it would be nice if we didn’t have to make such choices.
Then of course there’s parking – we have three cars! I mean, that part isn’t uniquely poly – families with teens that can drive and college roommates have to think about that. But the next part was surprising – bathrooms! In some cases, it was difficult to find 3 bedrooms (we like an office/craft room in addition to a bedroom for each couple) that had at least 2 bathrooms! And then in many cases where there were two, one was in the master – another unevenness, some might feel.
But I don’t think either of them actually felt that way.