When one day is different

1/27/18

Everyday. That’s how I knew I loved E, when “EVERYDAY” became exactly important because he was around (he didn’t even have to like me back). There are 10,000 little things that happen every day that make our relationship worth everyday.

You would think that in a daily life where 10,000 things make your world better, you could handle it when one of those things is different… 1 in 10,000. I managed to conduct myself pretty childishly this morning when one of those things was different… was it bad? No… was it worth the pout fest? Defiantly not.

Most Saturday mornings we follow a pretty predictable plan. We all (3) get up, go get coffee, then lump around till we think of something to do. That’s the plan… the details of the plan vary. Generally, though when E doesn’t sleep with me, he comes and wakes me up, we lay in our bed for a few minutes, then we meet up with L, and some assortment of us will go get coffee.

What happened today:

E was up early, came and took the dogs out and fed them so I could be in bed longer (*swoon*), emptied the dishwasher, gave me a very cold, full body, hug and a very happy kiss (he had been outside). I went back into my bed, he went upstairs to be with L. I called up after a while and they said they would be down. Sometime later, I got mad and called that I was going to go get coffee (our roommate K drove). When I got back I snapped “here’s your coffee.” And then proceeded to pout like a baby…

For context, I am 27… Grown Ass Man.

Here is what I thought happened:

E was up early came and took the dogs out and fed them so I could be in bed longer (*swoon*). I heard the dishwasher and got annoyed that E was emptying the dishwasher instead of coming in the room. I went out, got a very happy greeting and said I was going back to bed. I got annoyed when he didn’t follow. Then I got annoyed that he was upstairs (at this point all I know is annoyance.) Then I filled with rage when I was calling up and no one was answering me. So then I pouted off to go find petty coffee (very bitter). Then I came back and expected everyone to understand the ‘truth’ in my self-deprecating jokes and side-eye.

I just wanted attention. I said somewhere at the start of this that I didn’t get jealous much… the problem with that is when I do get jealous don’t know how to behave. JEALOUS…apparently my reaction to jealousy is petty coffee (which we ended up spilling all over the kitten). Let me get one thing straight… it wasn’t L I was jealous of… I mean not specifically… if I was jealous of anything to start with, it was the dishes. What kind of adult gets mad when their partner does the dishes.

We four went out for pancakes and I have been making my apologies… but There you go.

So, what’s the point.  Jealousy to me is the focus on any number of the 10,000 things either not being there or being different. Good, bad, petty whatever. We eventually found focus again… its weird… how all the love can exist Everyday and how everyday reacts to it differently. 10,000 things. And EVERYDAY.

D

Also- avoid petty coffee… it only hurts you and the people around you…

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