Fam and the ‘plus 1’

So we had some interesting family experiences recently and now that I think about them after the fact I feel both surprised and confounded. They also remind me of how unique our relationships really are.

L travels for work on occasion and recently their travels took them to my home city, Denver, where 95% ish of my maternal family lives. I told my mom that L was going to be in her neck of the woods and my mom was like “we will take them to dinner and they can met your grandmother and sister.” My mom and nephew had visited us at our Indiana house so my mom had already met L. Everyone (EVERYONE) met E at a family gathering last summer. So, L went out there for their conference and they had dinner with just my mom one night and dinner with my mom, sister, brother-in-law, nephew, niece, and grandmother another night.

At the time I thought nothing of it because my mom is that way. I think my mom would let a complete stranger sleep on her couch if me or my sister vouched for them. Hell… she might even do it just cuz.… This is the same woman who bought her ex partner’s niece a complete and fresh Thanksgiving day meal when said niece’s husband lost his job….  So, yea my mom would do that sort of thing.

My mom aside, THIS WAS STILL A PRETTY UNUSUAL THING! and I am only really thinking about it weeks later… L went there and hung out with my fam… without me or E. Riddle me this, how is it that some people’s families wouldn’t do this with their spouses and mine would do this with my Metamour! Like would your mom hang out with your spouse without you… or your Metamour? I D K. It was very brave of L and I am glad they liked my family. My family just supports it and that is… well … cool.

Weird too, right? Cool AF, but weird too.

Anyway, sometime between then and now L and E went to a L’s cousin’s wedding. I stayed behind,  saw Pet Sematary, and ate sausage and pineapple pizza. Nothing out of the ordinary here, right? I mean, no I did not expect L’s fam to invite me. Wedding invites are about politics more than anything, especially more traditional weddings.

I guess why I was thinking about this is – should I have gotten an invite? Ok, I know L’s fam might not even know the true structure of our relationships but lets for a moment pretend they did. Should I have gotten an invite? I think I am closer to L than most people’s Metamours are to them but am I THAT close… Is this something people’s families should consider when they plan weddings…

“Hey Benny, heard you are getting married.”

“Sure am.”

“Well don’t forget to invite D, his spouse E, and his very close metamour L.”

“Who could forget that trio?”

*Both made-up people laugh hardily*

I know …. Silly.

But I guess if a person in a monogamous  relationship would go to bat for their boyfriend, or partner, or spouse over wedding invites, should polyamorous people do the same. I mean what if it hadn’t been L!? What if it had been E who got the invite with a ‘plus 1’!? How would he choose? Would it be like King Solomon and he would be forced to cut us in half and take exactly ½  of each of us to his cousin’s wedding.…

*takes steadying breath*

It’s a weird life…


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